صدا صدا، صدای من - ۲

   

بخش اول

 وقتی رفتم کانادا، با کمال تعجب دیدم که همین مشکل وقتی پشت تلفن صحبت می‌کنم وجود داره. این مشکل یه بُعد جدید پیدا کرده بود!

خیلی وقت‌ها (همیشه) پیش میومد که وقتی به یه جا زنگ می‌زدم (مثلا برای بانک) قبل از این‌که اطلاعات‌م رو بپرسه طرف با یه همچین جمله‌ای صحبت رو شروع می‌کرد:

 

How I can help you miss?

بعضی از جاها، اطلاعات جنسیت رو نداشتن و حتی وقتی اسم و فامیل رو می‌پرسیدن هنوز من یه خانم بودم براشون!

تنها راهی که برای اثبات مرد بودنم بود را هم از دست داده بودم!

زبان مادری!

دیشب به یکی گفتم:
من:"یه جا خونده بودم که ایران، تو والیبال، از یه تیمی برده که اون تیم، از دو تا تیمی که ایران رو برده بودن برده بوده."
یارو: ها!
من: هیچی... بیخیال!

اگه یه چیزی شبیه این جمله رو به انگلیسی گفته بودم و طرف نمی‌فهمید چی گفتم پیش خودم فکر می‌کردم یه جا تو جمله‌بندی‌ام اشتباه کردم و جمله رو می‌شکوندم به چند تا جمله‌ی کوچک‌تر.
ولی این دفعه مطمئن بودم که ساختار جمله‌ام درسته و مشکل از گیرنده‌های شنونده هستش.

Missing a decade

سه‌شنبه ۴ مهر

صبح داشتم با آسانسور می‌رفتم پایین (که برم مدرسه). تو آسانسور، یه مرد میانسال بود:

Me: Morning!
Man: Morning! Going to work or school?
Me: Going to school.
Man: Where?
Me: SFU.
Man: Oh! I was attending SFU 30 years ago.
Me: Really! What was your major?
Man: Wait! I was going there 40 years ago!
Man: When you get old, you miss decades easily...

این نیز گذشت

هر چیز که خوار آید، یک روز به کار آید!

سه‌شنبه ۲۹ آذر

  هفته‌ی پیش، با پدرم رفته بودیم دانشگاه UBC. تو یکی از مال‌های (mall) دانشگاه، یه خانوم سیاه‌پوست خوش‌رویی بساط پهن کرده بود و جنس می‌فروخت:

I: How much is this leather bracelet?

She: 15 dollars.

I: Do you accept credit or debit card?

She: No! we don't but there is an ATM downstairs.

پدرم که متوجه شده بود من پول می‌خوام، یه ۲۰ دلاری به من داد ...

She (with smile): It's really good to have your dad around while shopping ;)

I: You can say it again!

و این اولین باری بود که از این اصطلاح در مکالمات روزانه استفاده می‌کردم.

Suprise or Shock

Brad: Oh! you're growing a mustache!?
Me: Yeap! My parents are coming to visit me and I'm planning to surprise them (with my new look)...
Brad: You certainly surprized me, I guess your parents are gonna be shocked

Syntax Error

Bad Costume

(At Halloween parade)

A guy: Are you Jesus or you are a vampire?
Jesus/Vampire: (desperately) Come on!? ...
A guy: If you are Jesus, you need to have ... , and if you are a vampire, you should ...

PS. I swear "A guy" was not me!

This is not a film

I was at the theatre around 2:10. Almost all the seats were taken. Finally, I found an empty seat beside a 50ish woman.

Me: Is that seat taken?
She: Oh! finally you have arrived? Come, Come and seat here.
Me: ...
...
...
Me: Why did you come to this movie? As its title says, it is not a movie.
She: ..., ...,
She: I have quite a few Iranian friends, they are all smart, polite and ...
Me: ...
She: Of course, I know all Iranians are not like that. Or we wouldn't have been sitting here for this movie.
...
...
At the end of the movie:
She: It's really good that you do not need to carry your trashes in Iran :D

Moving

The worst part of moving (to a new place) is the packing part. When you have to collect all your stuff and, for each of them, decide if you want to keep it or not. At that point, you have to decide if you want to get rid of the things that remind you bad memories/failures.

The best part of moving is also the packing part. When you find the things that remind you happy memories/success.

The easiest way to avoid this conflict is to not collect anything, i.e., to not engrave the successes/failures on objects. As it is said, "you are forgetting the ones (things) who are not before your eyes". (And of course as it is said, Unless, "the ones whose memories are engraved on your hearts").